Mulattea is a blog written by Skye Haynes. Her posts explore mixed identity, feminism, race, religion, and privilege.

The Day I Met God

The Day I Met God

My first day at Grace Brethren Christian School was a chapel day. I was 5 years old, and I had no idea what I was getting into.

I'd been to church with my mom before, but I was either in a daycare or running up and down the pew with my cousins.

On my first day at GBCS, I didn't know what chapel day meant. On the way to the chapel, I asked my teacher, Mrs. Remigio, "Where are we going?" 

She told us that we were going to "God's house." Y'know what my first thought was?

Finally! I've been hearing about this God guy so much, now I can go to his house and meet him!

So when we filed into the chapel, I started looking EVERYWHERE for God. But I was confused— He wasn't on stage singing, he wasn't sitting in the front row either. 

After a disappointing 10 minutes of looking for God, I concluded that He was in the speakers in the chapel. I figured that they were the only things big enough to hold Him, and that He was just watching from inside the speakers so I had to be on my best behavior.

But at the same time I was really anxious to meet God, so when it was time to leave I decided to try to look for God and say hey. But I got lost in the Chapel trying to get to the speakers, and when my teacher found me I got a warning for disobeying and ended up crying in the principal's office.

So.

Fast forward to like, now, and I don't think I ever really found God at Grace. They told me every rule there is in the bible. I learned biblical history, the life of Jesus; I memorized the Ten Commandments, fruits of the spirit, and I had a bible verse quiz every single week. But there was still nothing there. I didn't realize that till I got to my secular public university. 

My first semester at UMD was a big 'ol ball of stress. I was trying to make friends, seize every moment, do well in my first college classes, and at the same time my uncle had cancer, which also added a whole new level to what I was going through. It was then that I realized that I knew about God, but i didn't have a relationship with Him. 

13 The Lord says:
“These people come near to me with their mouth
and honor me with their lips,
but their hearts are far from me.
Their worship of me
is based on merely human rules they have been taught.
— Isaiah 29:13

Since then I've been trying. I realized it was time to put my money where my mouth was, and that if I was going to call myself a Christian (or not), I had to officially make that decision. I couldn't be in this weird limbo where I didn't really know what I believed in. I didn't want to be that lukewarm Christian I've heard so much about:

15 I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! 16 So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.
— Revelation 3:15-16 NIV

I don't want to get into the details of every spiritual revelation I've had in the past couple of years, because that's still very private to me. Plus, what makes sense to me might not make sense to you. But I will tell you the steps I've been going through on my spiritual journey.

First I had to decide whether or not I thought God was even real in the first place. I poured through devotionals, did some soul searching, and started a journal to keep track of my thoughts, which are were all over the place.

Once I concluded that He is real, I had to decide if I wanted to have a relationship with God and follow Him as a Christian.  I started to create a habit of daily praying and reading scripture every day, so that I could actually have a substantial relationship with this being, knowing who He is.

Then when I decided I wanted to be a Christian, I had to figure out what that means: how do Christians live? How do they spend time together? I'm still in this phase, and I just joined a group of Christians that I really like. So that's exciting. 

So here I am, 3 years after I made the choice to make a choice. And I made a choice.

I can officially and truthfully say now, that I've met God. 

 

The Crime of Existing While Black

The Crime of Existing While Black

N-word This, N-word that

N-word This, N-word that